In today’s society it is common to only think of domestic abuse as affecting women, however, statistically speaking there are far more men being abused. The difference is that men are far less likely to report such abuse for one reason or another.
For me, speaking from experience, I was in an abusive relationship around ten years ago. She would stop me from talking to certain friends, she would constantly want to know who was texting and ringing my phone, she would even go through messages to make sure that I wasn’t being “Naughty with other girls.”
We didn’t officially live with each other, she had a flat somewhere and I had my own, but she wanted to be with me 24 hours a day, so when I wasn’t staying at hers she would be staying at mine. I remember her staying at my flat one night and I was speaking with the next door neighbour – who was a woman – I looked up at my spare bedroom window in horror as I saw her watching me talk to her. When she saw me she moved away from the window and I had to quickly wrap up my conversation with the woman. I walked up the stairs in dread as I didn’t know what she was going to say or do. We had an argument and she put her fist through my bedroom door.
I moved from my flat to another one around the corner and at the time I had to have mental health staff from the NHS visit me on a regular basis. It was on such a day that they were due to come round that my Girlfriend wanted to check my phone, I had no choice but to let her and she didn’t like what she saw. An argument ensued which resulted in her assaulting me so bad that blood began to drip from the side of my head. The NHS Staff came in to witness the aftermath of the assault. Whilst I was being seen to be the staff, she packed up things in my flat. She even took food knowing that I had no money to replace it.
I was embarrassed by the whole thing and didn’t want to get her into trouble at the time so I never reported it. Shortly afterwards I split up with her for good but she gave me a dire warning, that if I didn’t reconsider there would be consequences, but I shrugged it off. It’s been ten years and this woman still tried to control me and do damage to my life one way or the other. It’s a desperate situation that I have been subjected to.
The point of this is that men need to recognise and report the signs of domestic abuse. Do not fall into the way of thinking that it is embarrassing. If you are suffering from domestic abuse you should report it. There are a number of places you can get help.
Tell us about your latest release. How did you come up with the title?
Recovering Memories refers to knowing so many past incarnations. Together they make an incredible great context, each lifetime gets its own special significance within the big picture. And I think this knowledge should be shared with the widest audience. The discoveries are not only my own, it’s not my privilege to own them. So I feel.
What do you hope readers are able to get from reading your story?
I use my past incarnation episodes as a sort of ‘case study’, to look at what reincarnation is, and how it works. We all have our own karmic issues and even if they are rather unique there are several common traits. The laws of the universe are the same for all of us. And I believe that we can learn a lot from each-other.
From your book I’d like to bring up the Lisabeta episode, it is one of the past lives you could recollect. As to your husband H, are you sorry about the way you behaved? You was cheating him, and treated him very coldly, no?
Yes. I felt ashamed, I think that comes out from between the lines. I am sorry about it. Our marriage was a very unfortunate one. The disaster was predictable at its very start. Simply, we weren’t a match.
About Nicholaus, who was your childhood friend and later your lover and partner, what you feel about him now?
I still feel a lot of love about him. I don’t think this will ever change. There is an interesting thing about him. His nation choice – he was my father at Wingless Angels, and he very disliked Germans. Then, some centuries later he was born to a militarist German family… The turns of life… The turns of karma… By my observation this kind of thing happens quite often.
It’s very touching to see that loved ones meet again and again, and they may feel the same, no matter how much time went by.
Absolutely. Time is not so important from the soul’s perspective.
Could you achieve some improvement? By meditation or other way?
Very good question. Yes, I did! I managed to turn the memories connected to him positive in the latest months. To achieve this I had to travel to Germany – and there I’ve heard something that helped me to heal it. It was a talk from a man named Gunagriha. He is a disciple of Sri Chimnoy who was a famous guru. So, he said that instead of mourning what was ruined and what went dead, we shall be happy that we were given time to be together, happy that we got moments to share. This caught me. I instantly knew: this will be it, this is the word I was looking for so long. Suddenly as I thought at Nic I was able to feel differently, I saw this relationship in a whole new light. I am able to feel thankful for the days when we could be together, when we could give and accept love to and from the other – no matter how the relationship ended. This is just wonderful! Since this Eureka moment I feel much better.
How his memory influences your private life?
It’s not easy to live with it. Anytime I had a relationship, or a possibility of it, I always felt that this is just not it… But I learned to shift it aside.
You keep making comparisons?
Sometimes, yes. I do my best to ignore this feeling, because I don’t want to be the victim of our common past. And as long as he can’t remember anything, I can’t do much. It takes two to solve this.
What would you say if you met him?
Hello, long time no see… Well, I don’t know. It depends how we meet again. It would depend on how much he knows. Also it would depend on the place, on the day, on the weather, on the actual magnetic field of the Earth, pff, and dozens of other things. I can’t tell, really. Hopefully it’d go well.
What happened before this Lisabeta episode?
I had a short life in England, in the nineteenth century. I lived in a rather miserable environment and I died after I gave birth to a girl. I was no more than 18-19.
Where in England? In London?
I don’t know, it was a big city. Maybe Birmingham or London, I can’t tell.
You know, this symbol looks close to Radiohead’s sign. At least this was my first impression! I really like them. It looks very like it. Weren’t you inspired by that?
No. Actually I’ve sent them some poems many years before, including this sign. It was back in the middle of the nineties, around 1997. They were drawn on small postcards, I decorated them with this sign.
Wow, they might have used it, then! What did you think when you saw theirs? You certainly noticed the resemblance!
Of course. From my part, it’s fine if they used it, and it’s fine if they didn’t. It’s okay. I use this ancient sign as a signature long ago because it sums up my goal of writing, presenting anything. In case they had been inspired by it, that’s great.We are in this world to inspire each-other.
Would you tell me more about the Byzantine prince? In the book you did not go into detail, you only mentioned him on the margin.
Exactly. I don’t think it is wise to go into details just now, and it may not be too important. Before presenting it I want to see how people receive posthumous memoirs in general. Also, it might not even be safe to publish it. I’ll see. Firstly I’d like to sell the movie script, more like.
Any other thing you’d like to mention?
Yes. We plan to bring together a Meetup event in December. It will take place in Brighton, and hopefully in London.